i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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