What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
