If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The Olympian is in my bed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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