I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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