he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
