hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
