fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
