I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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