he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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