a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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