let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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