Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
