Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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