My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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