Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
