theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
