whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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