that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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