so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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