i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
