The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
