After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
