Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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