Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
