She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How does it feel to date your dad?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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