Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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