I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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