Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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