apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
