I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
