i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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