i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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