we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
