Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
