but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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