Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
