You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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