help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
