No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
