Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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