3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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