I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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