I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
