We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
