I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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