i think i have two assholes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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