Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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