i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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