is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
