college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
