so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
