that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just tell him i said nine months
they need to just BURY HIM!
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Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.