just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else