dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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