He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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