Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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