it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
