What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize