clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
