3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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