What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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