Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
