Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
