And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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