My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
