It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
