What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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