Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
