We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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