A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
MIDGETS
????
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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