He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
