I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
