There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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