i jhust puked up my retainher.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
