What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
