she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
