I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Never joke about your clitoris.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
