ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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