Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
