My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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