Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
