Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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